Blind Bartimaeus

 

'Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.'

Sometimes I imagine I am shouting like Bartimaeus.
Absolutely yelling out to Jesus, above the crowd.

But really
I'm whispering.

Why?

Is it that I don't really want Him to hear? I don't believe that I need Him?
Or maybe I don't think He will come.
Or perhaps I'm afraid of what the crowd will think.

Anyway, the end result is -

He doesn't hear me.
He walks on.
The opportunity passes.
He's gone.
He was passing through -
He has passed through.
Will He come back again?
Who knows.

So here I am, still by the side of the road.
Still blind.

What happens next?
What's the ending?
Do I ever see?
Will I ever meet Jesus?

This feels uncomfortable -
It's unresolved