I recorded this one night when I could not sleep - my thoughts on how I treat my relationship with God very formally, in a way which I would not with other people - such as my husband.
'Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.' Sometimes I imagine I am shouting like Bartimaeus. Absolutely yelling out to Jesus, above the crowd. But really I'm whispering. Why? Is it that I don't really want Him to hear? I don't believe that I need Him? Or maybe I don't think He will come. Or perhaps I'm afraid of what the crowd will think. Anyway, the end result is - He doesn't hear me. He walks on. The opportunity passes. He's gone. He was passing through - He has passed through. Will He come back again? Who knows. So here I am, still by the side of the road. Still blind. What happens next? What's the ending? Do I ever see? Will I ever meet Jesus? This feels uncomfortable - It's unresolved
There was an ugly silence coming from the kitchen. I could tell that Martha was upset, she usually ends up there when she is. But this was different. Today was the Passover sabbath. We should have been celebrating- a day of rest, with family and friends. We had been expecting Jesus. But earlier in the week, it had all gone wrong. Lazarus had come in the house to tell us he’d heard Jesus had been arrested, and he was going to find out more. When he came back, I could see that something was wrong, but I never anticipated this. ‘He’s dead’. ‘How? Why?’ ‘Crucified.’ I couldn’t bear to ask Lazarus any more - his face was grey and his face was working horribly. He disappeared out again and we didn’t see him at all the next day. Crucifixion was terrible. None of us ever wanted to see it, but since the victims died along major roads, it was impossible to miss. I think that was the point. The worst thing was how long they took to die - I remember seeing one man on the wa...
“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” Luke 10:38-42 NIVUK I’ve often read this and found it felt condemnatory- Mary had done the right thing and she gets to sit there and take her time listening to Jesus, and Martha gets to run around like a headless chicken. I always imagined after this conversation that Mary stayed where she was, and Martha continued to serve. But I wonder if it really happened that way. Maybe ...
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